The sheer number of mum blogs out there in cyberspace got me wondering what type of mum I am. Coming up with the URL for this blog took almost as long as writing one bloody article. I was repeatedly informed “that name is already being used” in angry red font, and believe me, I went through a few; mentalmum, slummymummy, scummymummy, mumontheedge. But can you see a theme running through here? Do all mums have mini-meltdowns everyday?
Of course, I know the true answer. Every mum is different in the same way that every woman is different. But I reckon we could categorise ourselves; the mums who talk about nothing but the kids, the mums who talk about everything but the kids, those who seem to have it all sussed and those who always seem to need a helping hand (or two).
Not forgetting the yummy mummies, who have their designer changing bag, full face of makeup and perfect hair (I hate yummy mummies but only because I’m jealous). Or the slummy mummies; slapdash makeup (if any), Croydon face-lift and trackie bottoms.
I feel like I’ve been every one of these at some point, although these days I’m definitely more scummy than yummy. I feel a sense of achievement if I manage to have a shower and neither child is crying, covered in sick or destroying something.
I should imagine we’ve all fallen into more than one category, but can guarantee that most of you reading this are thinking ‘oh that is so me’ and ‘my mate Tracey is definitely the yummy mummy (bitch)’.
The problem is there is so much pressure to be glamorous whilst your pregnant, despite feeling like crap from a sicky stomach, tender tits and breaking your back carrying the lump. With the likes of Kim Kardashian wearing 4 inch heels when they’re ready to drop, or Kate Middleton with the tiniest, neatest little bump and fabulous maternity clothes thrown in our face, it’s no wonder most of us want to hibernate for 9 months.
It’s not even as though this feeling of inadequacy subsides once you have the child. Then there’s the pressure to ping back into shape after just a few weeks. ‘Angelina Jolie loses baby weight in 2 days!’ I’m exaggerating of course, but that’s what it feels like.
The reality, for me at least, is; sensible shoes for my chronic backache, a knee support from constantly changing bums on the floor or playing with toy cars and comfortable flesh coloured underwear because it goes under all sorts of clothes. And instead of the super toned abs, Heat magazine skirt over the fact that Beyonce probably has stretch marks, scars and saggy tits before all the air-brushing.
So if I were to answer my own question, what type of mum am I, I would say a real one!